Thursday, July 20, 2006

Who *am* I?

Okay. Now for the big dilemma.

I am a feminist. Not a radical feminist, but I believe in individuality for women, I believe in independence, both financial and emotional. So I need to know...

After you married, did you change your name?

I am struggling with this one. My license says one thing, my passport another. Sometimes I am hyphenated, other times I am not.

If I call to book an appointment with the dentist, for example, I don't know "who" I am. Perhaps I am filed under Julia Married Name... No? Okay, try Julia Maiden Name. Okay. How about Julia Hyphenated Maiden-Married Name. Arggghhhh.

I have a huge identity crisis and I would love to hear others' thoughts on the issue. Is it an issue? Did you take your husband's name? Do you think that you give something up by taking their name? Do you feel it is important that your kids have the same name as yourself?

I am of the mindset that I either keep my "maiden name" which is in actuality my father's name or go by my "married name" which is my husband's name. What's the difference? They're both men's surnames, right?

Dying to hear the popular vote on this one!


At 7:26 PM, Blogger Kel said...

I am enough of a feminist that I just didn't think it was a big deal to take my husband's name - afterall, it was my choice to marry him -

Plus I liked his name better and to hyphenate would have been (literally) a big joke.

And you can argue it isn't as confusing with kids etc.

Now, if you are established professionally under your name, marrying when older, etc. then I could understand that you may wish to continue using that name -

I have friends that kept their names legally but use hubby's socially - and they all say it was "just easier"

Honey, he is gonna lose more of his identity after you get hold of him than you ever will ;)

At 12:59 AM, Blogger suburban mom said...

I am a feminist but I don't usually "say" i'm one because I think it should just be a given that we all are. Don't know if that made sense. The idea of *not* being a feminist is totally alien in the bay area. Dude, you should totally come out here, you would LOVE it (see my post).

But yes, I did change my name. It took me a year, but I did it. I also don't think it's a big deal. I kept my maiden name as my middle name. I do think it's odd when people don't do this. Unless for some reason their middle name means more than their old last name.

I just wanted us to all have the same last name. And I think it actually shows confidence *to* take the last name.

But I have many friends that did not change their name, and that is what they are comfortable with.

At 1:00 AM, Blogger suburban mom said...

Oh, I"m also reading a new book from the library - I need to do a library post - but it's called "What To Eat" I think and it is farily new. It's good so far.

At 11:59 PM, Blogger Nap Queen said...

I'm kind of late on this one, but I didn't change my name. I was 28 when I got married, and I felt like my name was my name. I've had it for almost 3 decades. Plus, my sister and I were the last kids with our last name, so I felt I should keep it. I got a lot of crap for not changing it, but I don't regret it. It's not like he's going to change his name?

At 4:24 PM, Blogger Lori said...

Hmmm. I think it's a personal choice.

Myself, I took his (long-ass) name and sometimes wish I hadn't. Not because I'm having some kind of feminist crisis. Just because my maiden name was easier to spell!

My opinion is that we are all more than our names. I didn't have any particular attachment to my maiden name. But I can understand those who do.

Thanks for your comment on my blog, BTW!

At 3:23 PM, Blogger msdramateacherlady said...

I know this is late...but...I took my ex-husband's name only after people stopped telling me I had to. I wanted it to be my choice, not societies rule.


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